Shattered Memories
by theyaremagicallydelicious
Summary: RS SLASH The night before the death of James and Lily, Remus and Sirius realize their feelings for each other. 13 years later Sirius is instructed by Dumbledore to 'lie low at Lupin's'. During this time, Sirius and Remus try to put the past back together.
1. Realization

AN: Thanks for checking out this story. Please review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 1: Realization

Sirius Black poured himself another shot of Ogden's Old Firewhisky and drank it in one gulp. It burned his throat less than the five before it. He set the empty bottle of liquor down and buried his face in his hands.

Something was going to happen to them.

He didn't know how he knew it. It was just a feeling, lingering in his heart, burning the pit of his stomach, the ever-present thought that James and Lily and Harry were not safe.

Dumbledore had told the young couple that there was a traitor…someone close to the Potters was giving Lord Voldemort information about their whereabouts. Sirius didn't know who the damn spy was, but he promised himself that whoever it was would _die._

He had suspected both Moony and Wormtail at one point or another. But every time all four of them were together, like the old days, there was not a doubt in Sirius's mind that they were all innocent and loyal.

A loud bang on the door interrupted Sirius's thoughts.

He stumbled to the entrance to his apartment, tripping over a pair of boots on his way and flung open the door.

"Remus?" Sirius asked. "What are you doing here?"

Remus gave an amused grin. "Looking for you. You didn't show up at the Quidditch game today. I thought something might have happened. Clearly, you had something more constructive planned." He glanced at the empty liquor bottle.

"Damn!" Sirius muttered. "I forgot about Quidditch. Sorry Moony."

Remus shrugged. "It's alright. The match only lasted for six minutes anyway. The Bats' Seeker caught the Snitch right away."

The pair walked over to the couch and sat down. Remus cast a worried look at his friend.

"Are you okay, Padfoot?" Remus asked. "This amount of drinking is odd, even for you."

"Oh, nothing in particular, you know. The most evil wizard to have ever lived is terrorizing innocent people and one of my best friends and his family are known targets, but, you know, nothing to worry about…"

"Sirius, we've done all we can do. You have to stop all this worrying," Moony told him.

"How can I stop worrying? How can I ignore the problem when everything in me says that James is in danger? How can I fall asleep at night knowing that little baby Harry might not live to go to Hogwarts?" Sirius felt a tear slide down his cheek and he swiped at it furiously. "I don't know how you do it, Moony. You're so calm and strong…and I can't take this anymore." Sirius stood and began walking away. He needed to go for a walk….just needed to get out of there.

But at that moment, Remus embraced him and Sirius let himself go. He buried his head in his friend's shoulder and tried to remember a happier time, when they were all romping around Hogwarts without a worry in the world.

Sirius didn't know why he did what he did next. Perhaps it was the amount of alcohol or the nagging voice in his head that told him this was not the time to leave something for tomorrow or maybe it was simply that the onslaught of feelings was finally too much to hold back.

He kissed Remus.

He kissed him on the cheek, and then on the corner of his mouth, and finally their lips met. Sirius could not attempt to describe the pleasure of Remus' lips moving against his own. He only knew that the kiss was long overdue and he wasn't going to hold back for another second.

Remus broke away from him and shook his head slowly. "We can't do this Sirius. You're drunk and worried and distraught. You don't really want this."

Sirius stared at him in surprise. "How can you pretend to know what I _bloody _want?"

"I know that even you're too drunk right now to know what you want."

"I've wanted this for _years._"

Remus's jaw dropped in surprise and he took a step back. "What?"

"You heard me."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked him, clearly flustered. "What do you me-"

"I'm talking about my feelings for you," Sirius said. Now that he had started he couldn't seem to stop the words from flowing from his mouth. "I'm talking about how not one damn girl in Hogwarts made me happy because the entire time I wanted you. I'm talking about how I've tried to tell you a million times about how I feel, but I never do. I'm talking about how I love you."

There was a pause and the only sound that could be heard was the ragged breathing coming from the two men.

And then Remus closed the gap between them and kissed him roughly. His tongue flickered inside Sirius's mouth and Sirius sighed with pleasure. Sirius grabbed Remus forcefully by the arm and led him to the bedroom. The pair collapsed onto the bed.

Both men discarded their shirts and began kissing again. Sirius ran his hands along Remus's stomach, eager to explore the other man's body. Remus gently pushed Sirius down and laid himself on top of him.

Sirius moaned loudly as he felt the pressure of Remus's erection against his thigh. He kissed Remus's neck and bare shoulders and chest. Sirius felt Remus's hand in his hair and closed his eyes to memorize the sensation.

Suddenly Sirius felt himself relieved from the pressure of Remus and looked up to see the other man removing his trousers. Sirius began unbuttoning his own pants and slid them off as quickly as he could.

Remus laid down on Sirius and again and kissed him softly. Sirius explored Remus's mouth with his tongue and ran a hand down the other man's leg. Sirius felt Remus's arousal press into his own and groaned at the friction.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Remus asked. The question came out as a gasp as the man worked to catch his breath.

"I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life," Sirius said.

Remus smiled.

And for a little while Sirius's pain went away.

AN: Please review! More to come!


	2. The Past Comes Back

AN: Sorry this took so long. I hope to update more frequently and with winter break coming up in a few weeks, it might actually be possible. Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 2: The Past Comes Back

Remus Lupin poured himself a cup of tea, added a spoonful of sugar, and opened the Evening Prophet. He glanced at the articles on the front page, but found nothing that interested him.

He heard a soft tapping on the window. A brown owl bearing a letter was hovering near the window, doing its best to try and avoid the pelting rain. Remus opened the window and allowed the owl to fly into his kitchen. The owl hooted in thanks and allowed Remus to take the letter from it.

Remus recognized the curly handwriting on the envelope as Dumbledore's. Curiously, he tore open the letter and read:

_Dear Remus,_

_ It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that the Dark Lord has rose again. As you know Harry Potter was competing in the Triwizard Tournament. Something happened in the final event of the Tournament. _

_ But what has happened is not as important as what we must do now. It is crucial that we begin by resurrecting the Order of the __Phoenix__. I leave that task in your capable hands. Round up the old crowd. I'm sending an old friend to help you. Don't worry. He is housebroken. He will explain more about the events that transpired tonight. I'll contact you again as soon as possible. Thank you, Remus._

_ Sincerely,_

_ Albus Dumbledore_

Voldemort had returned?

Sirius was coming here?

"Oh, bloody hell," Remus said to no one. He haphazardly threw his teacup in the sink and ran a hand through his silver-streaked hair. Remus had so many questions and no one was there to provide answers…yet. He would just have to wait for Sirius.

_ Sirius._

Like a dream, Remus's thoughts traveled back to the last night they had seen each other before Lily and James had been attacked. Remus remembered every emotion, every sensation…it had all been very amazing.

And bile rose in Remus's throat as he remembered the days following the attack, how betrayed he had felt, how lost he had been feeling. He had practically drowned himself in Ogden's Old Firewhisky (Sirius's favorite drink) for the first few months after the attack.

The alcohol had numbed the pain for a bit, but it had never really subsided.

And then the truth had come out last year and Remus's heart had never felt so light. Sirius might not have been free in the legal sense of the word, but he was free enough for the time being and Remus had not been betrayed. All of it had been real…every single touch.

There was a loud knock on the door and Remus's heart leapt into his throat. He legs felt strangely heavy as he went to answer the door. Sirius stood there in robes that could be best described as rags with his long hair soaked to the bone. He looked tired and angry and perhaps even a bit scared.

Remus wanted to kiss him.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

Finally, Remus remembered that it was raining and his friend probably didn't want to sit in the rain for the rest of the night.

"Come in," he said softly.

Sirius sat at the kitchen table. Remus poured him a cup of tea and set it in front of him.

"I couldn't protect him, Moony," Sirius said after a few moments. "Just like I couldn't protect Lily and James."

"Sirius, don't."

He gripped his filthy hair with his hands and seemed to be fighting the urge to scream.

"Tell me what happened," Remus said. "How is Harry?"

Sirius gave a derisive snort. "He's alive, but that's about the best news I can give you."

"Sirius, listen, you can criticize yourself after you tell me what happened. I need to know.

Sirius sighed and nodded. "Okay…okay. Well the last task of the Tournament was a maze. Harry and Cedric Diggory, the other Hogwarts champion you know, got to the end at the same time. I suppose they decided they would just tie for it, so they both grabbed the cup at the same time."

He stopped here and slammed his fist on the table. The tea cup jumped. "Dammit! I should have known! I should have known something was wrong, that Harry was having too easy of a time getting through those tasks."

"Sirius." Remus said calmly.

"Right, right. Well the cup was a Portkey and it took them to a graveyard. They saw someone coming towards them, but there wasn't time to-"

Sirius broke off and muttered again, "I should have killed him. I should have killed him when I had the chance."

"Wormtail?" Remus asked. "What did he do?"

"Killed Cedric," Sirius spat. "That's right. Some bright kid who just happened to get in the way…dead, gone forever. Well you can imagine, Harry was in shock. Wormtail took his wand and dragged him over to a tombstone and tied him to it. Harry said they performed some type of ceremony where Wormtail put this ugly baby-type thing in water and added his – Harry's blood…and Wormtail's hand among other things."

Remus felt as if he was going to be sick and not for the first time he wondered how none of them had seen the evil that lurked inside their supposed friend.

"That was it there, Voldemort got his body back. He summoned the Death Eaters and taunted Harry – said he wanted to duel him. Voldemort…he put the Cruciatus on Harry. Dammit Remus, I never wanted him to know what that felt like." For the first time, Sirius choked on his words.

"I know," Remus whispered. "I know."

Sirius took a deep breath and continued. "And then Voldemort decided he'd had enough fun I guess, and wanted to finish Harry off. He did the Killing Curse at the same time Harry yelled _Expelliarmus_ and well, it's unbelievable."

"What happened?"

"_Priori Incantatem_."

"The reverse spell effect?" Remus asked. "I don't understand. How?"

"Apparently Voldemort's and Harry's wand are made with phoenix feathers from the same phoenix. Brother wands can't fight each other and when they are forced to duel…_Priori Incantatem_ results," Sirius explained.

"I had no idea that could happen," Remus said. "But then…no…Voldemort's victims came back didn't they? Or some shadow of them?"

Sirius nodded. "Yes. Cedric Diggory, some old Muggle man, Bertha Jorkins, that witch that has been missing from the Ministry, and…."

"James and Lily," Remus said. A lump formed in his throat.

Sirius nodded again and paused for a moment before resuming the story. "Harry described the strangest thing. I'm not even sure I can explain it well enough. He said that his and Voldemort's wands connected and they sort of rose into the air. And their wands were shaking like mad. He knew he had to keep control of his wand. Somehow, I have no idea how, he overpowered Voldemort and he said…he said the echoes or whatever they were, they helped him. They told him to run and he did and he grabbed Cedric's body and the Portkey and returned to Hogwarts."

"Dueling with Voldemort and surviving? Even James wouldn't have been able to believe it," Remus said with a grim smile.

"I know," Sirius said. "Harry is amazing. You should have seen him though. He's just so…overwhelmed. He didn't need to see what death was at the age of 14."

"He'll be okay, Sirius. He has great friends. He has Dumbledore. He has you. He'll get through this," Remus assured him. "But that was quite a story."

"It's not over yet," Sirius said. "You know the Portkey that took them to the graveyard?"

"Oh, yes," Remus said. "Who was behind that?"

"Well I knew, _I knew_ that someone in Hogwarts was trying to hurt him. But I never would have guessed – I don't suppose anyone could've. It was Barty Crouch Jr. disguised as Mad-Eye Moody."

"What?"

"Yep. Barty's son was alive after all. Crouch Sr. smuggled him out of Azkaban because his wife wanted him to. He kept his son under lock and key, but he escaped, with the help of Wormtail, I'm sure. And they took Mad-Eye and kept him locked up in his own trunk all year so he could keep making Polyjuice."

Sirius took a sip of his tea and let Remus digest this information. Remus was in shock.

"I am just…poor Mad-Eye. His paranoia is going to be ten times worse than it ever was before," Remus said.

"And rightly so."

The two men lapsed into silence. Remus was worrying – worrying about Mad-Eye, worrying about Sirius, worrying about Harry, but most of all worrying about what would come next.

"Dumbledore contacted me," Remus said. "He told me you were coming, but he also said that we need to get in touch with other members of the Order. I suppose we'll start tomorrow." He gave an uncharacteristic mocking laugh. "I don't suppose there's any easy way to tell them that Voldemort has returned?"

Sirius shook his head. "I can't believe this is happening."

"I know," Remus muttered. "The possibility was always there, but I kind of thought we had already lived through our war."

They drifted into silence again and Remus took the opportunity to examine his friend in more detail. His hair was filthy and matted. Dumbledore had told Remus that Sirius was living in a cave near Hogwarts so he supposed it wasn't the cleanest of living arrangements. His eyes were sunken in and he had the tired look of a man who had taken in too much in too short a period of time. His fingers were tapping restlessly against the table. Nervousness. Anticipation. Fear. It was all etched into every line on his face.

"Would you like to clean up?" Remus asked him. "I hear cave-living doesn't provide the best showering arrangements."

Sirius gave a weak grin. "What's the matter Moony? Don't want fleas in your house?"

Remus laughed and stood up. He led Sirius to the bathroom and pointed out where the necessary toiletries were.

While Sirius was getting himself cleaned up, Remus fixed a plate of sandwiches and a pitcher of Pumpkin juice. It would be a long night for both of them. Plans needed to be made about whom they would contact, what they would say, and what they would try to accomplish first.

And as Remus began writing names on a piece of parchment, he was suddenly struck with the thought that the past was coming back to rear its ugly head again.

Remus only hoped that the good things in the past could be reassembled as easily.

His thoughts jumped to Sirius in the shower. Remus felt his face go red and cursed himself for thinking such complicated things could just start right back up again. There was no time for such nonsense now, anyway.

They had another war on their hands.

AN: Please review!


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